How To Stay Focused and Consistent With Your Exercise


Trust me I know that sometimes getting to the gym isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Some people are intimidated by it, many have not made full use of it and don’t want to waste anymore money on it and some people never seem to find the time.

Doing something rather than nothing is half the battle, so surely it’s easier to just exercise at home? 

Well, sort of. Although your own home is massively convenient, it can be hard to stay motivated when you’re surrounded by a host of temptations or more precisely excuses such as TV, internet, coffee, reading etc.

So to help you resist these cheeky little temptations, stop making excuses and get a damn good sweat going at home, here are seven simple and effective tips for people just like you with real lives, real jobs, and really busy schedules that will help to keep your attention focused training at home, even when you really don’t feel like it and keep you on track.

1. Find Types of Exercise That You Really Enjoy Doing and Use Technology
The most important thing you can do is find a type of exercise you’re actually going to enjoy doing at home. Some forms of training such as weight training, power lifting etc that rely on lots of equipment aren’t really workable unless you have a big garage or a spare room, and the money to buy the kit in the first place. Thankfully there’s plenty of awesome choices at your finger tips that give you access to an endless amount of at-home exercise options that don’t have to cost a fortune.

Take a bit of time to think about what you enjoy doing, think about what types of activities you enjoy, what reason/s are you training for and then do some research. There are thousands of fitness apps and websites that transform your phone into a personal trainer to live stream videos that turn your living room into a fitness studio, there are plenty of ways to get guidance, motivation, and variety. With a little bit of internet research and soul-searching, you can easily find a training routine that will work for you. Some quick examples are:

Apps:
Virtual Trainer
MadBarz
BarStarzz
Aaptiv

Websites/Online Groups
SFit – free Closed Facebook Group that I run providing exercise, nutrition and psychological guidance and tips
MadBarz
BarStarzz

The key to it is finding something you love doing, this means you won’t even want to look for excuses no tot train then because you want to do it, and you’ll enjoy the process.” 

Need added motivation this winter? Aaptiv is a new app that offers audio-only workouts from top trainers set to music you love. Classes range from strength training and HIIT workouts to yoga and running, so you’ll always find something you love.
Available at aaptiv.com.

2. Book appointments with yourself to train. 
When you have important appointments you put them in your calendar on your phone etc and set reminders so you can’t forget, I certainly do, well, the same goes for your workouts. I schedule them like they’re an appointment. Prioritising your training sessions by blocking out time on your calendar and then planning your days and weeks around those blocks is a key element in creating consistency and continuity in training that will get you the results you want.

3. Organise a space at home. 
The sometimes awkward part about training at-home is that obviously your home is not a gym. If you happen to have a gym in your home, lucky you. If you’re like me your car never gets into the garage because that’s where I have my training kit, if you don’t have a garage then you’ll need to make whatever space you have work for you. That might mean setting up a mini gym in your bedroom, spare room etc or simply moving the coffee table over three inches to fit a yoga mat. Whatever you have to move/set up/dismantle, do it well before your scheduled workout (say, the night prior if you plan on getting up and training then), so there are no barriers or excuses.

4. Dress for business. 
Now more than ever, it’s acceptable to wear Lycra just about anywhere. Take advantage of the trend and throw on training clothes as soon as possible, at every given opportunity. Why? Well, research suggests that simply wearing your training clothes can help motivate you to exercise.

One of my clients says that, ”On workdays I come home and change into my training clothes before I do anything else, and on weekends I put them on first thing in the morning, that way I have no excuses later.”

5. Go public with it, afterwards. 
Wait a second before you get carried away. Before you tweet, message, Pin or gram your workout plans, read this: You’ll have a better chance of actually training if you keep them to yourself. A study has suggested that social recognition makes us less likely to follow through with our intentions. 

However, after you’ve smashed your workout, go for it and tell the world what you’ve just done. So after training take a photo or snap a sweaty selfie and you’ll find you work harder for that extra satisfaction of sharing your achievement afterwards. When you share your progress and accomplishments, you’ll build a small group of cheerleaders, and you can tap into that satisfied feeling the next time you’re motivation is in the ditch and your sitting on the fence about working out. 

6. Create your own incentives. 
It’s okay to use small rewards to persuade yourself to work out. Ideally these incentives should be healthy however, I’m realistic and so should you be, because sometimes you just need to satisfy that craving and reward yourself with something so tasty regardless of the content, so if it’s sometimes pizza, turkey chilli, or a salted caramel brownie, that’s okay too, because, balance is needed both physically and mentally and this reward can make all the difference.

Many of my clients say this same thing, they usually work out right after work, so they hold off on eating dinner until after they’ve smashed out a training session and that for them mentally, is a big reward.”

If food’s not your thing, treat yourself to a new pair of trainers, clothing or whatever works for you if you complete all your workouts for a month. 

7. Half a session. 
Sometime training at home feels and sounds like the worst idea, and when this happens negotiate with yourself. TelI yourself you’ll do half of what you had planned for that day and more often than not you’ll end up doing the full session anyway because all you really needed was to get started. And on the very few times you don’t finish? Well, at least you did half, and that’s much better than nothing at all. 

The Bottom Line
The best way to keep your motivation level up for training at home is to find a routine you really enjoy, this way your at-home training doesn’t feel like work. Then, control as many factors as you can to set yourself up for success and turn it into a habit. Of course the couch looks bloody good sometimes when you come home after a long day, but sinking into it will feel so much better after you’ve earned it. 

Life Design


For a long time I thought I was happy with my job, I was doing what I’d set to do in joining the Royal Marines. I worked with like-minded people, got paid to stay exceptionally fit, got fed four times a day and was provided with a roof over my head. The trade-off was that I was expected to do what I was told do whether I liked it or not and, some of the things I was asked to do I really didn’t like. However I was still happy living my dream.

Or so I thought.

Continue reading Life Design

Build Your Self Discipline and Increase your Success


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I regularly work with clients who say things to me like, “I can’t do that” or “I’ll never have/be/do that”, etc, etc. Now there are a load of things going on with these small statements that have to be addressed in order for these people to make a break through, things such as limiting beliefs, perception, mindset, attitude and a certain lack of motivation due to all of these things. This can have a hugely negative effect on a persons self discipline and motivation to actually succeed and to work towards success.

Personal success, achievement, or goal, can’t be realised without self-discipline. It is possibly the most important attribute needed to achieve any type of personal excellence, athletic excellence, virtuosity in the arts, or any form of outstanding performance, because without it, there is no consistency and continuity of effort towards achieving that goal.

What is Self-Discipline?

It is the ability to control emotions, thoughts, impulses, desires and behaviours. It is being able to say No, to immediate pleasure and instant gratification in favour of gaining the long-term satisfaction and fulfillment from achieving higher and more meaningful goals.

To possess self-discipline is to be able to make the decisions, take the actions, and execute your game plan regardless of the obstacles, discomfort, or difficulties, which may come your way.

Being disciplined does not mean living a limiting or a restrictive lifestyle, nor does it mean giving up everything you enjoy, or, to relinquish fun and relaxation. However, it does mean learning how to focus your mind and energies on your goals and persevere until they are accomplished.

It does means cultivating a mindset lead by your deliberate choices rather than by your negative emotions, bad habits, or the sway of others who do not have your necessarily have the same desires as you. Self-discipline allows you to reach your goals in a reasonable time frame and to live a more orderly and satisfying life.

How To Develop Self-Discipline
it’s best to start with small steps, because no new process takes place overnight. Just as it takes time to build muscle, so does it take time to develop self-discipline? The more you train and build it, the stronger you become. In exercise, if you try to do too much at once, you risk injuring yourself and setting yourself back. Likewise, take it one step at a time in building self-discipline, begin by making the decision to go forward and learning what it takes to get there.

Learn what motivates you and what your negative triggers are and this begins by learning about yourself! Sometimes it is very difficult to fight off urges and cravings, so identify the areas where your resistance is low and how to avoid those situations. If you know you can’t resist cake, fries, or other temptations – stay away from them, do not have them around to lure you into moments of weakness. If you also know that putting pressure on yourself does not work for you, then set yourself up in an environment that encourages the building of self-discipline rather than one that sabotages it. Remove the temptations and surround yourself with soothing and encouraging items such as motivating slogans and pictures of what you want to achieve.

Learn also what energises and motivates you. Your willpower can go up and down with your energy levels so play energetic music to perk you up, move around, and laugh. Train yourself to enjoy what you are doing by being energised as this will make it easier to implement desirable and appropriate behaviours into your daily routine – which is really what self-discipline is all about.

Make the right behaviours a routine. Once you have decided what’s important to you and which goals to strive for, establish a daily routine that will help you achieve them. For example, if you want to eat healthily or lose weight; resolve to eat several servings of lean protein and green vegetables each day and exercise for at least half an hour.

Make it part of your daily routine and part of your self-discipline building. Likewise, get rid of some of your bad, self-defeating habits, whatever they may be. They can put you in a negative frame of mind and hinder your self-discipline. A poor attitude is also a self destructive bad habit.

Practice Self-Denial

Learn to say no to some of your feelings, impulses and urges. Train yourself to do what you know to be right, even if you don’t feel like doing it. Skip dessert some evenings. Limit your TV watching. Resist the urge to yell at someone who has irritated you. Stop and think before you act. Think about the consequences. When you practice self-restraint it helps you develop the habit of keeping other things under control.

Engage in Sports or Other Physical Activities

Sports are an excellent way to enhance self- discipline. They train you to set goals, they focus your mental energy and exercises you emotional energies, enables you to become physically fit, and teaches you to get along well with others by working as part of a team. Participating in sports provides a situation where you learn to work hard and strive to do your best, which in turn, teaches you to integrate the same the thought processes and disciplines into your everyday life.

Learning to play a musical instrument can be another great way to practice self-discipline. The focus, repetition, and application required in learning to play an instrument is invaluable. Achieving self-discipline in any one area of your life re-programs your mind to choose what is right, rather than what is easy.

Create Your Mindset for Self-Discipline

Get inspiration from those you admire. There are so many inspirational people i the world today and from throughout history. read books by or about these people and draw inspiration from them. Sporting greats such as Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, Gary player. Great leaders throughout history; Alexander the Great, Winston Churchill. Philosophers such as Aristotle who said:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit”.

Visualise the Rewards

There is nothing more gratifying than accomplishing your goals. Practice the technique that high achievers and top athletes do and practice projecting yourself in to the future with your imagination. Visualise your desired outcome. See how your life can be different, hear how differently you talk about your self and how others do, feel how rewarding it is and the countless benefits you will enjoy. Remind yourself what it takes to get there.

The Benefits
It helps build self-confidence.
You accomplish more, and are therefore more productive.
You are able to maintain a higher tolerance for frustration, obstacles and negative emotions.
Allows you to obtain better health, better finances and a good work ethic.
You are able to reach your most difficult goals more efficiently.
The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets.
If we are to be masters of our own destiny, we must develop self-discipline and self-control. By focusing on long-term benefits instead of short-term discomfort, we can encourage ourselves to develop of self-discipline. Ultimately our health and happiness depend on it.

If you would like to join my online goal setting workshop group then drop me an email on simon@simonmaryan.com and take advantage of a free 20 minute strategy session with me and find out how you can build your self discipline and achieve your goals.

Here’s to your increased success, health and happiness

Simon

Keys To Successful Fatloss Part 2: Self Perception


Success Doesn’t Happen By Sitting on Your Arse


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In order to be successful in anything in life, you need to take action. That begins by deciding on what it is you want to be successful at and this is the biggest hurdle of all. Yet all it takes is a little time to sit down and think about what truly motivates you, what makes your heart sing, your stomach turn over with excitement, passion and desire. we all have something in our lives that has this incredible effect on our mind and body, even when we haven’t realised it yet.

Once you know what that thing is, you can begin to take action and if you haven’t figured it out yet, almost of our learning in life comes from doing. If you want to learn how to talk in front of people, then find opportunities to talk in front of people as often as you can. If you want to learn how to do presentations, do more presentations. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to seek as much knowledge as you can get your hands on to help you become successful at what you want to do, it does mean you shouldn’t wait for complete knowledge before you take action.

A big reason for people avoiding taking action is fear of embarrassment. If you want to be successful at anything, you must learn to set that fear aside, because, it’s very difficult to look good and get better at the same time. Face the fact, you are going to screw up from time to time, that’s life and we learn by making mistakes. Instead of being afraid of how you look as you learn and grow, be afraid of not taking action and living your life at a fraction of your true potential.

As the saying goes from one of the presuppositions of NLP, “There is no failure, only feedback.”

When I was just about to leave school, and I left early, I had an appointment with my guidance teacher who sat me down and asked me what I wanted to do when I leave. Now I had known for a long time that I wanted to join the Royal Marines and I was at the bottom of a pile of former Royal Marines in my family, so I had a fairly good idea of what to expect. Well sort of, as nothing can really prepare you for the 8 months slog of basic training.

All I knew was that I had to be fit, so I had trained really hard for this and to the detriment of my exams. So I ultimately failed every exam and obviously my guidance teacher knew this and in this little conversation, when I told her my plans, she said “You’ll never be able to do that, you’ve got no qualifications and if you can’t get that, how do you expect to become a Royal Marine?”

This was like a red rag to a bull and needless to say, being a stroppy teenager, I told her exactly what I though of her opinion in no uncertain terms and walked out.

I was taking action, I had become extremely fit physically, however mentally I was letting myself down by not focusing on my exams and I let a nae sayer get under my skin because despite my stubborn streak, she got under my skin and knocked my confidence.

I did join the Royal Marines despite that and I lacked confidence which showed as mentioned by my training team on several occasions. They also told me that to work my way up the ranks, I would need to get some qualifications, so I took advantage of the Royal Marines education system and while I learned my job as a Royal Marine, I studied for my exams and, bit by bit I achieved far more than I ever thought possible with my education and personal development. I was taught many invaluable skills in the Royal Marines that have stood me in great stead and  will for the rest of my life and one of those is the unquenchable thirst for knowledge. To understand myself, what I’m capable of, because it’s always far more than we realise or think.

When we plan properly, take action and then review what we’ve done to learn from our mistakes and use that learning in our next plan, this is how we grow and become experts in what we do. It’s not an overnight process and it can be done.

What I’m saying is, embrace that fear, that uncomfortable feeling and take a leap of faith in yourself. You are capable of so much more when you push yourself and expand your comfort zone so that it incorporates more and makes all that feel normal and comfortable. The best thing is, this never has to end, it is a continuous process for the rest of our lives if we want it to be.

Here’s to your success.

Mindfullness Reminders


Recently I was reading a great post on a Facebook Group I’m on and it gave some excellent reminders of how to practice Mindfulness, which has become a lost art for many these days. The group is called Mind Over Fatter (the psychology of weightloss) and it is owned by a gentleman called Greg Justice. I think you’ll enjoy the discussions on there.

The Ten Guiding Principals of Mindfulness
1. Awareness. Stuff happens every second, and if seconds could be divided even those particles have moments that slip by too fast or too slow. The stomach tickles, to take a check into what’s going on inside of your head and your body. It’s like using those little emoticons and smileys in your texts and tweets that show immediately your awareness of what you are feeling on the inside – and projecting it outward!

2. Acceptance. You already know what you really experience –it is true for you, whether or not you like it– no matter what anyone else might say. This moment is the time to stop the fight over what goes on with you in your mind that you want to change, avoid, get back at, get even with, or on the other hand, even to crow about. In this moment you don’t have to be responsible to make a change or to change – merely to accept.

3. Compassion- It is commendable to be on the road to improvement. But usually you do it by criticizing your weaknesses, lacks, and you may even be down about what you did wrong, mistakes, missed plans. Take this moment to be as compassionate to yourself, as you would be to others in need. Give yourself the hug, the pat, the nod, the ok, that you would give to your dear friend or relative.

4. Invitation- Today we might be expecting to be super heroes and use your own power as a force–even if it’s for the good like Captain America or Black Widow. But this attitude is about the moment to just be curious about possibility, what will be will be without any you force or power to make things happen. Force causes a stiff neck which blocks the flow of energy or chi. Why do you think people, who seem stubborn, blocked and immovable are called – “Stiff Necked?”

5. Non-judgment- Of course you have opinions–that is part of who you are. But this is the moment to dispel judgment–just to ease and observe, take a load off because it’s a relief not to have to know where your philosophy is all the time.

6. Patience- The things you don’t like or want happen too quickly–bills come, deadlines come, preparations and intentions don’t always pan out, the best growth and discoveries usually take more time than you think, and are not easy, but that’s ok and that’s the way it is.

7. Practice- Thinking, planning, understanding, feeling inspired are all great, but like the saying, put your muscle where your mouth is. Until you practice it’s nothing more than interesting and entertaining ideas and thoughts.

8. Present moment focus- Luckily you remember the past– and are also planning the future–it’s life and what you have to do, and it is useful to think in all directions. But this moment is just to be aware of the moment, what is filling up this exact moment. It’s not empty, each moment to the next is willed with sight, sound, sensations, thoughts, emotions.

9. Tolerance- Into every life some rain must fall the old saying goes and nobody escapes some unpleasantness and pain and that’s just the way it is. In this moment learn to tolerate the bad, and appreciate a peaceful feeling that it is just there.

10. Validation. What you experience goes on inside you and is your thought, emotion, sensation. It is there for a reason because it is what makes you unique. You have your learning, your history, your genetics, your personality, and that is you and valid–whether you understand the moment’s experience or not.

Take away: It is interesting to note how successful 12-step self-improvement programs echo the Principles of Mindfulness above. All such programs owe their origin to the Oxford Groups led by Dr. Frank Buchman in the 1920s. According to Buchman the guiding principles of the “OGs” were: absolute honesty, absolute purity, absolute unselfishness and absolute love. Another example of east meets west?

You can find the original post and the FB Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/491885354262293/permalink/729736670477159/?comment_id=742205415896951&offset=0&total_comments=2&ref=notif&notif_t=group_comment_mention

Choice: Excuse or Success


My last post ended on the subject of choice, you have plenty in front of you and some of those in the past may have been considered as reasons for not doing things that help you achieve your goals. In truth, they’re not reasons, they are excuses. For one reason or another you chose a goal, or were given a goal that you did not believe in 100%, it wasn’t something that you were prepared to work hard to get or have, there wasn’t enough of a fire in your belly.

It’s actually really quite simple, your choice, you can either work to achieve your goals or you can stay as you are no keep making excuses as to why you can’t or won’t be able to achieve them. Whatever you decide is ultimately your choice and it’s you that has to live with that decision not me. What you must understand is that there is no third option and as Yoda said, “There is no try, only do.”

When you make the decision to work towards your goals, you will find that you discover a huge amount about yourself and for a large proportion of people that’s going to be quite a scary prospect, yet it can be one of the most significant times in your life as you discover more of who you truly are and what you’re capable of.

As part of this process you are going to experience a huge amount of change and despite every single person on this planet being familiar with change, there are still so many who are afraid of it and sometimes it’s inevitability. Change affects us on a daily basis whether we look for it or not and whether we like it or not and it can overwhelm our day if we approach it in the wrong way.

So, before you go ahead and make your choice, take some time to figure out the best way for you to accept change. To start with, accepting that everything changes, both good and bad, and when you look hard enough you can see the good and the useful/beneficial in every situation. Next, do everything you can to participate in the changes that happen in your personal and professional life and also in your community. Stop trying to react out of necessity and find ways to embrace the changes, that way you remove the fear of change. It boils down to you taking control of your life instead of letting others control it and dictate your outcomes. It is massively important that it is your actions and intent that influences your outcomes.

As I said at the start, the buck stops with you and you have a really simple choice to make, do or don’t.

You may think that this is putting a lot of pressure on you, and tough shit, that’s the reality of it, it’s just the way it is and you will either work toward what you want or you will make excuses to justify, in your own mind, why you won’t or can’t.

Any one excuse is as good as another so you can pick from a long list, some of which are quite creative, yet they are all still excuses. So now that you know that it’s all your choice is there really much of a choice?

Are you going to choose to work towards what you do want or make excuses to justify staying where you are? Your life of excuses will be pretty much as it is now, it will not be much different, change will continue to happen round you, you will carry on reacting to it out of necessity and your levels of satisfaction and disappointment will be roughly the same as they always have been. Sounds exciting doesn’t it?

Now, how different would it be if you chose to take control of your life by making positive choices about what you do or do not want to do, have to be as opposed to having your life dictated to you?

What would it take for you to make that decision?
What would you have to do?
What would you have to sacrifice?

Well the first thing you would sacrifice is making excuses, that’s not really much of a sacrifice when you think about it, is it?

This is a very logical concept when you think about it. You will either go find what you want or you’ll make crappy excuses and all they do is keep you where you are right now. And, agreeing to do nothing achieves exactly yah same thing, it holds you back from moving on and achieving.

Now we all have a threshold of sorts where we reach a certain number of excuses and then that seals the deal for someone to give up. They can give a long list of excuses yet the bottom line is their intention, desire and ultimately commitment to achieve that goal was not strong enough.

There is a very long list of people throughout history who have made a choice to achieve something that they felt compelled to achieve, something felt very personally, and they made some incredible sacrifices in order to make it happen. Yet day after day, I speak to people who have trouble making a commitment to themselves let alone to anyone or anything else.

Why is this, why do the majority of us make up such crap, weak and pathetic excuses to stay in bed a little longer and not get up and exercise. To eat that junk food because you can always start that diet tomorrow or next week. To take those drugs again because what difference does once more make and I can give up whenever I want to, I’m not addicted?

We delude ourselves, lie to ourselves, limit ourselves, criticise ourselves and demean ourselves time after time. Why do this to ourselves when other people do it to us as well at times? Trust me I know, I’ve done all those things to myself over the years and occasionally I still catch myself doing it and then I have a quiet chat with myself, reframe what’s going on in my head and get myself back on track. I also have a small, select group of friends that help keep me motivated and on the right track.

This is a massively important piece of the puzzle and if you have people you currently consider friends, who are anything but supportive, I’m going to let you into a little secret, they’re not your friends, they are called wankers. True friends will support you even if they think you’re mental for doing what you’re doing, so if you haven’t already, get rid and find people who will support you regardless of what they think about your goals.

Have you ever written down the kinds of excuses you’ve used yourself and the ones you’ve heard from other people. When you put them on paper and read them, they do look and sound a load of crap and much harder to justify, because externalising them takes you outside of the excuses and allows you to see them objectively making it much harder to back them up. Try it, I have a feeling you’ll be quite surprised.

Some of the excuses I’ve heard are:

I haven’t go enough money

I haven’t go enough time

I don’t know how to

There’s too much work involved

I’m not fit enough

I’m not healthy enough

I’m too old

I had a bad childhood

I have one word for all of these and the myriad of other excuses out there. Bullshit!!!

They are not reasons, they are all excuses and there are so many amazing examples of people who have smashed these excuses to pieces and this makes those of you who keep using them look more and more ridiculous. The only person you’re fooling is yourself. Stop bullshitting yourself and be honest with yourself, you either want to do something or you don’t. If you don’t that’s absolutely fine, you don’t have to do it, however, if you do want to do, have or be something and you keep making excuses then you have no one else to blame for your continued failure but yourself. Stop blaming other people, circumstances, the weather and get off your arse, make a few hard choices and commit to something…commit to yourself that you will move your life forwards, make positive changes one small step at time and keep moving forwards.

I have been in that place, making excuses, complaining about not achieving what I wanted, all be it I was a teenager. Then I joined the Royal Marines and I learned even more self discipline and I made a commitment to myself that I would complete training, which I did and I had a great time in my career. That set me up for everything else I have achieved in my life to date.

Now you don’t need to be a Royal Marine to achieve your goals in life, what you do need is a similar mindset. A stubborn, pigheaded desire to win at all costs, to make a plan that is flexible and adaptable, broken down into small manageable chunks, to remove the word excuse from your vocabulary, be solution focused. Once you know there’s a problem there is no need to focus on it, what you need to do is to focus on finding a way to resolve it, that’s a much more productive use of your time and energy.

The essence of this post is about taking responsibility and accountability for your own life, taking the lessons you can learn from your past and using them to create the future of your choice. From this moment on you can take charge of your present and your future and live your life full of positive intent, free from excuses and full of smart choices.

“Life isn’t measured by the quality of your excuses.”

“A man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting.” Carlos Castaneda

What You Believe Leads to What You Achieve


In my last post, which was on Boxing Day, I talked about reviewing the last year and how much of what you set yourself to achieve came to fruition and to look at why you did or didn’t achieve that and your beliefs around it.

This is a continuation of that theme because throughout January I have had some interesting conversations with clients about this very subject as I helped them to review and plan for this year. It seems that there are certain things that my clients have been lead to believe that are not achievable for them or forbidden, they are not worthy of it. This is obviously complete bullshit and they have been conditioned to believe this by people they know, trust, respect, love even and most probably with the best of intentions. However some may have done this out of jealousy because they don’t want to see them succeed.

In my experience there are two kinds of people, those who do as they are told when something is forbidden and stay away from it, and those who rebel and flip a middle finger at those who say they can’t do it, have it, be it etc. I’m one of the latter and I find it hard to understand why some people chose the first option and limit their lives. Each to their own.

The thing is when things are forbidden, it generally fires off our natural curiosity as to why it’s forbidden, why we can’t have it and it’s been used by religion, politics, education etc for thousands of years to gain control and hold over over us. All this does is undermine the personal and sometimes global significance and validity of your goals and dreams, and no one has the right to do that.

So, what if this thinking is completely wrong and undermining the significance of our happiness, our purpose has the opposite effect. How can denial of our purpose, which has been driven by men and women over the years who were and are, bitter, frustrated individuals who want to control who and how you are through the illusion that you have no control over that be possible?

Since when has self denial made anyone truly happy, what does it really give you on a permanent basis. I agree that there are times when this is actually highly beneficial, however not for the entirety of your life. On a personal front, denial for too long makes me miserable and crave things all the more and this is where balance must be applied, because, short term denial can be a great motivator when applied in the right way for any individual.

The purpose of this post is to help you find ways to make you happier and make changes that you want to make and, it may say things that some people might not like or agree with and that’s ok. This can create interesting discussion and debate which I thoroughly enjoy.

I hope that this post and the ones that follow it will generate in you excitement and perhaps a little guilt. What do I mean by that? Well as I offer you the opportunity to create change for yourself you will also become fully aware of the other option, which is to stay where you are with your life and not change, improve, refine yourself and become better at being you. If you are happy being where, how and who you are for the rest of your days then I am very happy for you. If not then you have a choice or choices to make.

In simple terms, this series of posts are designed to manipulate you, not in some dark occult way, in a way that enables you to see the choices in front of you that you may not have been aware of yet. Now, you may have been a bit concerned over my use of the word manipulate, however, manipulation is at the very heart of all of our relationships.

We are designed to manipulate, we learn to do it as kids in order to get what we want and some people are better at it than others without even trying, they just have a flair for it. You’ve all met people like this before. They persuade and influence with consumate ease and seem to get whatever they want/need in life. In my humble opinion manipulation is neither good nor bad, it is the intention behind that makes it one or the other.
In order to understand and be able to manipulate others, you have to first learn how to manipulate yourself. How good you are at this depends on several factors:

Your personal happiness
Your satisfaction with your own life
Your current perception of your ability to get what you want

This series of posts may for some people be inappropriate, incorrect or whatever other way that can be perceived as negative and that’s fine, they are free to choose whatever perception they want of this. Those of you who read this and find your curiosity and interest perks up, you will find that you are going to enjoy them and get a huge amount from them.

There are no spiritual ideals, abundance, manifestation ideals, wealth awareness or any other such personal development principles or ideals, this is purely about helping you understand how to change the way you think and believe in order to achieve/get what you want out of your life.

I am not decrying any particular spiritual or any other concept here, I have my own and I encourage you to identify and develop your own too.

We all have needs, right from the most basic, essential life needs as brilliantly illustrated by Abraham Maslow and the updated version of his Hierarchy of Needs incorporates transcendence, which is the point where you are now able to help others to the point of self actualisation. When all our basic material needs are met and the nice to haves as well, it makes any path you choose in life much easier. A crucial step is to raise what you want above greed and spiritual enlightenment and make it the absolute essential piece of your journey.

By doing this you will develop a much clearer understanding of yourself as you identify your deepest wants and needs and the obstacles that my be in your way, this includes your own limiting beliefs, fears and excuses as to why you can’t or won’t achieve it. Being completely honest with you, this is going to happen from time to time along the way, and recognising, accepting and preparing for that makes it a much smaller hurdle to step over.

I want you to remember that there will always be people who do not want you to succeed and some of these people depend on your continued ignorance, desperation, poverty and dependence in order to control you. They do not want you to become independent and free thinking. You may think that at this moment in time you are free thinking and independent. Are you really, when you look closely at who and how you are?

Being independent and free thinking makes it much easier to get what you want in your life and this of course potentially puts so called gurus and consultants out of business because they are not needed, however, there are always going to be some people who are unwilling to take responsibility for their lives. They want to be told what they need to do by someone else in order to feel accountable for their actions and that’s ok too, it’s a personal choice.

The main advantage of this is that these consultants etc have an objective view of your life and who and how you currently are. When you learn to do this for yourself it makes life much easier and cheaper and you can learn to do this for yourself.

What you need in order to do this is take a global view of your life, as if you’re looking down on your life from a high point. This allows you to see it from a detached perspective where you can see each facet, your goals, objectives, obstacles etc and join the dots, rearrange, add or takeaway whatever needs to be adjusted. This has a huge impact on your ability to play the long game and be so much more strategic in your goal planning, as opposed to being reactive, it makes you phenomenally proactive and responsible and accountable for everything that you do in your quest to get what you want in your life. Choices and decisions become easier because you can see the big picture, from where you are now to where you want to be and it all makes sense.

The great thing for me is I don’t know you, so there is no emotional connection, and what I write here can be open and honest from my experience and for some of you what I say may seem harsh and get your back up. That’s a good thing because it means I’ve touched a nerve for you to respond that way and you need to take a deeper look at why you responded that way. Maybe I’ve hit on a truth that you have been shying away from, not admitting to yourself, embarrassed by. Whatever it is, identify it, accept it and and commit to changing what needs to be changed so that you can get what you want in your life and stop being the one responsible for holding you back.

It’s so important that you understand yourself on this level, that you “get it”, rather than it be externally driven because then, it’s you that drives the change and this internal motivation for change is far more powerful than you can imagine.

Mind you, you have a choice at every step, you can stop reading this and future posts on this theme and carry on regardless the way you have been, perhaps banging your head against a wall never quite getting where and what you want in your life. It’s entirely up to you.

This brings me nicely to my next point and something I really can’t stand. Victim culture and victim mentality. Are you one of those people that blames everyone and everything else for your situation, never taking responsibility for what happens to you. If you are, being blunt, you need to sort your shit out!! Grow a set and a back bone and start taking control of your life, be at cause not effect in what happens to you. What I mean is be proactive, take responsibility, accept that shit happens and do everything you can to keep yourself on track. Victim culture is rife in modern society and it really pisses me off. I see it in corporate culture on a regular basis, people, are afraid to make decisions in case they do something wrong, managers and leaders aren’t managing or leading because they are perpetuating this cycle by micro managing, they are not developing their teams and allowing them room to grow.

Stop being a Yes man, disagree, argue your point when you feel it’s needed, challenge the status quo otherwise you will not change and neither will society.

Victim mentality is based on the belief that emotions are reactions to circumstances and not choices. Choices give us power and control over our own lives, whereas being reactive leaves us a puppets on a string.

Despite what I have said here, shit does happen and bad things do happen to good people through no fault of their own, and we do need to show compassion for others when this happens. I am always delighted to see on the news or Youtube videos etc that are posted of people being selfless and helping others without being asked, just purely out of their own desire to show compassion for someone else in need. It’s a shame that it usually takes a significant event for this side of humanity to be openly displayed. My aim is to enable people to make better choices in difficult circumstances so that they can respond better when bad things do happen as opposed to reverting to the victim role.

As Human beings we all have a default setting/reaction when shit happens, this is not set in stone for life though, we can learn to change it to a proactive useful response. Transactional Analysis describes two ineffective roles that we will look at now. These are the persecutor and the saviour and both these roles limit our ability to freedom and flexibility of thought.

The persecutor responds with anger and contempt in the same way a victim responds by feeling victimised. TV dramas and movies are great for depicting this, you can see the characters flitting between victim and persecutor. Until you can step out of these roles you remain a puppet. The roles you take on manipulate you until you choose to respond in another more positive way, and until you do, you make it considerably more difficult for you to achieve what you want in your life.

The saviour is a role we take on when either the victim and/or the persecutor is in play by others and this role doesn’t bring much enjoyment or satisfaction because you feel you have to be the knight in shinning armour who has to save the day. Yet again this is reactive and not a choice and all roles like this are reactions not choices and seriously limit you and your life. In order to achieve what you want in your life, you need to create more choice for yourself.

Part of this is learning about your choice in your behaviour to other people and in how you assess others. Do you judge people on what they say or what they do, their behaviour, because there is a huge difference. We can all have bad days and say things we don’t mean when we feel stressed or under pressure and it is so easy to judge someone as being an arse because of that and decide to not like them. However, we are not what we say or what we do, they are just external expressions of our state of mind and not who we truly are and as such, we need to learn to reserve judgement at an identity level based on words and actions. Of course we can be pissed off with someone’s language and behaviour, this does not mean that that person is always like that and we may find on another day we actually get on really we’ll with them. So yet again it is a choice to reserve judgement and cut people some slack as we do not necessarily know what’s going on in their lives.

The foundation of this post is that there is no objective reality, it is purely subjective and all down to perception. Reality is a perceptual illusion and as such it can be what you want it to be. This can be quite disconcerting if this idea is new to you and may lead you to question everything. This is a good thing, trust me.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE!!

Getting what you want in your life is down to your perception of what is achievable and desirable. This is the same for getting what you want for yourself as well as what you want from other people and this is based on the tried and tested principle that when you control what someone else perceives you control them. It’s a scary thought I know and it happens day in day out.

Knowing this you can now turn your attention to yourself and your goals and desires and manipulate your own perception, therefore manipulating yourself just as you would someone else. This can be quite an eye opening experience, accepting that your perceptions and reality are not real, they are purely your choices at that moment in time, and you can make different choices to create the reality you truly want. Despite this knowledge being widely available, some people prefer to wallow in the self made prison of their own inadequate, ineffective subjective reality instead of questioning their current perceptions and changing their reality through different choices.

Guilt and shame, both self induced and imposed by others is what keeps many people in that self made prison and this is often from religion, gangs, political groups etc and used purely to control you. Understanding that you have other choices strips others of their power and control over you.

I truly hope that this and the rest of my posts in this series open up your mind to the endless choices available to you and help you realise that if you’ve felt stuck up till now, it has been your choice and that there is no discernible honour in self imposed poverty, whether that is financially, spiritually, emotionally or on any other level, unless those sacrifices are necessary for you to keep moving in the direction of your life’s purpose.

” Live for today because tomorrow is a gift, not a guarantee.” Simon Maryan

Brain2Body Lifestyle Nutrition & Exercise Manual – 2nd Edition coming soon!!


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I have been working on the 2nd edition of my Lifestyle Nutrition and Exercise Manual, with the main focus having been on updating the supplements section later on in the book. This now emphasises health supplementation as opposed to more sports based supplements in the 1st edition and this update is based heavily on my research into this form of supplementation.

Having health issues myself, I have wanted to find ways to enhance my bodies’ ability to recover, repair and regenerate and what I found really made me smile, and feel good. So, I am almost ready to get this new version published and I will keep you all posted when it is ready.

Thanks again to everyone who bought the 1st edition and I am confident that you will find this new edition enlightening as well.

Simon

Making the Most of Your Heroic failures


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Who you are matters.

What you’re trying to make out of  your life matters. The skills you are developing as a person and in your career matter. You won’t always be “winning” in your life, that is an unrealistic expectation for anyone to have.

What REALLY matters is that you don’t allow your setbacks or failures to become an excuse for you to give up on yourself. Whenever you feel yourself giving up on yourself or becoming discouraged on your journey to achieving what matters most to you – take heart in these stories:

  • Sigmund Freud was booed off stage the first time he presented his theories to a group of his scientific peers in Europe. He went on to win the Goethe Award for his work in psychology
  • Winston Churchill failed sixth year and lost every election he ran for until he was elected Prime Minister of Great Britain at the age of 62
  • Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four, couldn’t read basic words until he was seven and was expelled from school. He eventually revolutionised physics with his Theory of Relativity
  • Henry Ford failed at farming, at being an apprentice and as a machinist and went bankrupt five times. Yet he modernised mass production
  • Stan Smith was rejected as a ball boy for a Davis Cup tennis match because he was “too clumsy”. He won eight Davis Cup championships and is considered one of the greatest doubles tennis players of all time
  • Charles Schultz had every cartoon rejected that he submitted to his high school year book. He was rejected by Walt Disney. He went on to create the most popular cartoon series ever: Peanuts
  • Van Gogh only sold a single painting his entire life — to a friend’s sister for about $50. He painted 800 masterpieces, seven of which are together worth almost $1 billion
  • Leo Tolstoy flunked out of law school and was labelled “unable to learn” by his professors. He went on to become one of the world’s greatest novelists with War and Peace
  • John Creasey failed as a salesman, a desk clerk, a factory worker and an aspiring writer, getting 754 rejection notices from publishers. He wrote more than 600 novels and is considered one of the greatest mystery writers ever

 

What about you?

How will your story read like?

More importantly, how do you want your story to read?

Hopefully there will be a few failures for you along the way so you get to fully appreciate the success you’re going to become in your life.

That is my honest hope for you.

Because we all fail. The best of us fail most often! That’s because the best are always striving for success and as a result create more opportunities for failing. It’s those “failures” that are the stepping stones to your success.

And our “failures” make what we ultimately achieve MATTER all the more!

Here’s to Heroic Failures and the opportunities they bring.

Have an awesome week.

 

Simon 🙂