When Life is Abruptly Put into Perspective.


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Life has a strange way of shaking you up sometimes and not necessarily by directly affecting you but through family and friends.

The last 24 hours have reminded me of how fragile we as human beings can be at times. I’m not going to go into specific details here because that’s not appropriate, what I will say is that all is never lost. Even in what may feel like the deepest, darkest moment of your life there are people who want to help you, all you have to do is reach out and grab there hand and talk to them. You don’t even have to talk about the shit that is dragging you down, just talk to them, let them help you because they care about you.

Recent events have shaken me despite everything I know and what I do for a living and what I am reassured by is the old boy network and how hugely efficient it can be when combined with social media, because last night it helped save a life. It was awesome to see a group of people, friends from all walks of life, from all round the UK and abroad rally round and do everything they could to help a friend in need.

The other thing I want to say is if you have the feeling that someone you know and care about is in a bad way and may do the thing you fear the most and take their own life, make a call to organisations that can help and that includes dialling 999. This is ultimately what happened last night and they thankfully got their in the nick of time.

I’ve had a massive rethink about my business in the last few hours and the ways I can offer it to people and today, I will be making some significant changes so that my services are much more accessible to the people who really need my help.

Every day’s a school day and I’ve learnt a few very valuable lessons and for that I am extremely grateful.

So, look out for your friends and family, never dismiss other peeps feelings no matter how alien they are to you or uncomfortable they may make you feel and take action even if the person you help feels pissed off with you for a while.

You may just save a life.

Big hugs

Simon

How We Encode Our Success or Failure with Our Thinking


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“You can map out a fight plan or a life plan, but when the action starts, it may not go the way you planned, and you’re down to your reflexes – that means your [preparation:]. That’s where your roadwork shows. If you cheated on that in the dark of the morning, well, you’re going to get found out now, under the bright lights.”

Joe Frazier

Today that quote is proving invaluable to me because today is proving to be a challenging day, and for no clear conscious reason as yet. I woke up in the middle of the night last night, not from a nightmare or any dream that I can remember but with an ominous feeling of what I can only describe as dread. I didn’t sleep much after that and lay there in bed with my heart racing until my alarm went off.

The day so far has been spent wrestling with my mind as the darkness that I lock away tries to overwhelm me and, I know that I will win this battle today.

Now why am I telling you this?

Well I know that there are many people out there who have had, and likely will have similar experiences to this, it’s a natural part of life.  I am a highly positive person and I am also very well aware as a psychologist what is happening. My life has been full of unusual experiences, some fun and some terrifying and exhilarating. This mixture of positive and negative experiences are all part of who I am and sometimes the negative takes over and leads me towards a path I do not want to tread because it is dark, threatening and dangerous. This path is virtually impossible to brighten as it seems to absorb all light like a black hole encompassing anything and everything.

I am grateful that I have learned to side-step off that path early on and use what I have learned and keep myself focused on what I do want; how I do want to think, how I do want to feel and remain focused on those things no matter how exhausting that can be at times like this.

It’s extremely difficult to explain to someone that has never had this kind of experience because it’s not something you can see, or touch or hear, it is a purely kinaesthetic experience. This is purely thoughts and feelings that create the mental state and this intangible element is hard for some to grasp.

There has been a huge amount of research over the years into how our mindset; our thoughts, feelings, language and behaviour, and how that affects our physical health as well as our mental health, and a field of science called Epigenetics grew from it and has shown that our beliefs can affect us at the cellular level.

One of the best-researched books about our language and responses to both positive and negative events in life is Learned Optimism by Dr. Martin Seligman. In a 25-year research study, Seligman proved that our mindset, manifested in our language and behavior, is a predictor of our success. In other words, what you think and say (your words and language) is proven to manifest in your life.

I continue to be baffled by individuals who wonder why their life is a mess when their entire mindset is defeatist and pessimistic. They are blind to their own undoing.

Seligman proved that how we respond (think, say, do) to our circumstances, both successes and failures, directly correlates to our accomplishments in life. Someone might argue that it can’t be that simple, but from Seligman’s research, it is.

To push your thinking limits even further, Dr. Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief, has confirmed that our thoughts can actually adjust our DNA, at minimum, how our DNA decides to respond to different stressors or events. Contrary to popular understanding, it is not your genes that predict your predisposition to your health condition, but rather your thoughts that act on your genes.

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Your thought life is highly influencing your condition in your life, including, but not limited to, your health, relationships, career, and achievements. Understand that regardless of your background, Personal Style, personality, or environment, you can learn optimism, measure it, and teach it to yourself and others.

If we are going to live our lives on purpose with passion, it is going to take resilience and mental strength and those who give up easily are generally pessimistic in their mindset. They get caught in a cycle of hopelessness, and can’t see their way out of their troubles or challenges. However, optimistic individuals face identical roadblocks and they overcome them to realise their own success and victory.

There are three principles or factors that comprise the primary work for Dr. Seligman’s optimist and pessimistic framework.

  1. Permanent vs. Temporary
  2. Specific vs. Universal
  3. Personalisation (internal vs. external) Elements

1. Optimistic Mindset Item One: Permanent vs. Temporary
Failure makes everyone at least momentarily helpless. However, those who are optimistic bounce back almost instantly. Those who are highly pessimistic remain helpless for days or perhaps months, even after very minor setbacks.

2. Optimistic Mindset Item Two: Specific vs. Universal
The optimist believes that bad events have specific causes, while good events enhance everything they do; the pessimist believes that bad events have universal causes and that good events are caused by specific factors.

3. Optimistic Mindset Item Three: Personalisation: Internal vs. External
When bad things happen, we can blame ourselves (internal), or we can transfer fault to circumstances (external). People who blame themselves when they fail have low self-esteem as a consequence. They think they are worthless, talent-less, and unlovable. People who blame external events when bad events happen do not lose self-esteem when negative events occur. Overall they like themselves better than those who blame themselves. The optimistic style of explaining good events is the opposite of explaining negative events. It is internal, rather than external. People who believe that they cause good things to happen tend to like themselves better than people who believe that good things come from other people or circumstances.

The Importance of Hope
Whether we have hope depends on two dimensions of our explanatory style (the words and responses we use): pervasiveness and permanence. Finding temporary and specific causes for misfortune is the art of hope – temporary causes limit helplessness in time, and specific causes limit helplessness to the original situation. On the other hand, permanent causes produce helplessness through all our endeavors. Finding permanent and universal causes for misfortune is the practice of despair. People who make permanent and universal explanations for their troubles tend to collapse under pressure, both for a long time and across situations. In Seligman’s work, no item is more important as your levels of hopelessness or hopefulness.

It’s important to remember the three principles of Dr. Seligmans’ optimistic and pessimistic mindsets; how they apply to your life, and why being conscious of them will help you avoid (and reverse) the cycle of despair and hopelessness. Living a life On Purpose, by definition, is a life full of HOPE. When life throws you a curve ball, where does your mind take you? Are you a glass half-empty or glass half-full kind of person? Your answer matters, To You.

“Each of us has two distinct choices to make about what we will do with our lives. The first choice we can make is to be less than we have the capacity to be. To earn less. To have less. To read less and think less. To try less and discipline ourselves less. These are the choices that lead to an empty life. These are the choices that, once made, lead to a life of constant apprehension instead of a life of wondrous anticipation.  And the second choice? To do it all! To become all that we can possibly be. To read every book that we possibly can. To earn as much as we possibly can. To give and share as much as we possibly can. To strive and produce and accomplish as much as we possibly can.”

Jim Rohn

If this post helps just one person today then it has done it’s job and if you feel you want or need to talk in more detail then please get in touch.

Here’s to your mental strength and success.

Simon

90 Day Lifestyle Change and Weight Management Programme


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I run Lifestyle Coaching Groups both face to face and online which begin with an in-depth 90 Day program to get you on the right track. The programme works in groups of 10 and each new group does not start until the 10th person joins, so I run a waiting list to keep track of who’s in which group and start dates.

90 Day Programme includes the following:

  • Nutritional advice based on your current BMR and identifying your Macro needs based on your personal goals
  • Food diary and individual review
  • 90 days worth of 100% natural health supplements
  • Recipe guides with shopping ingredients based on your macros
  • Exercise and training advice (training is optional extra for 1 to 1)
  • Private Facebook Group for constant mutual support and additional resources Members only bonuses and discounts
  • Psychological support to overcome emotional issues and habit changing, belief change etc: 1-2-1 and group
  • Weekly planner template and training in how to use it effectively
  • Copy of my book: Brain2Body Lifestyle, Nutrition and Exercise Manual
  • Training in individual plans utilising the Goal Setting section of my book
  • 4 meetings each month to keep you focused, on track and motivated to achieving your personal best

The cost of this 90 Day Programme is normally £1,995, however, for the next 30 days, you can sign up and receive all this for just the cost of your 90 days worth of 100% Natural health Supplements, which is a small investment of £445 towards changing your life. The best bit is that you don’t pay out £445 in one go, there is an initial cost of £195 then it’s £125 per month for the next 2 months, so this makes it much easier to budget for it. It actually works out to £4.94 a day, so for less than £5 per day over the 90 days, that’s way less than you would pay for coffee and sandwich etc at lunchtime alone, you get a jam packed 90 days of coaching and learning.

And,  I am not even charging for my time in this offer, so you are saving another £1,550 by taking advantage of this right now and this is not going to last forever, only 30 days.

Just think how much you can learn in 90 days and how many positive changes you can make to set you up for achieving the personal health and fitness goals that you haven’t been able to tick off your list, yet.

If you would like to discuss any of this with me prior to getting started and to book your place in the next group, you can email me on: simon@simonmaryan.com

The 30 day offer starts 1st May and will expire on the 30th May 2015, after that the programme reverts to the full price of £1,995, so take advantage of it while you can at the super low price of £445 for everything listed above.

So remember, it’s only a £195 first payment for month 1 then, £125 per month for the remaining two months for everything in the 90 Day Programme, which, to remind you is:

  • Nutritional advice based on your current BMR and identifying your Macro needs based on your personal goals
  • Food diary and individual review
  • 90 days worth of 100% natural health supplements
  • Recipe guides with shopping ingredients based on your macros
  • Exercise and training advice (training is optional extra for 1 to 1)
  • Private Facebook Group for constant mutual support and additional resources Members only bonuses and discounts
  • Psychological support to overcome emotional issues and habit changing, belief change etc: 1-2-1 and group
  • Weekly planner template and training in how to use it effectively
  • Copy of my book: Brain2Body Lifestyle, Nutrition and Exercise Manual
  • Training in individual plans utilising the Goal Setting section of my book
  • 4 meetings each month to keep you focused, on track and motivated to achieving your personal best

This is a fantastic offer packed absolutely full of high quality, invaluable content, plus a few hidden extras that will be added as the programme progresses.

If you want to discuss anything with me feel free to email me on simon@simonmaryan.com

Best wishes

Simon

Break Free from Smoking Using Hypnotherapy


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This article is adapted from John Melton’s original post in 2005:

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People are often skeptical about hypnosis and its ability to aid in smoking cessation. Because of my many years of experience helping people break free form smoking, I understand the skepticism. The purpose of this article is to help people understand the benefits of hypnosis as a smoking cessation aid.

First and most important is to understand that smoking is an addiction. Popular media has informed us about the obvious addictive potential of nicotine but not much is discussed about the psychological part of this addiction.

Cigarettes find their way into the very fabric of everyday life, becoming a part of so many activities. Habits are formed, creating associative relationships to things like food and alcohol or even driving a car. Smokers also learn to identify themselves with cigarettes, and after a while, it seems to become a part of them. You must understand that psychological cravings are just as real as chemical ones.

Perhaps most importantly cigarettes become for most people, part of a coping mechanism to try to deal with emotional pressures like stress and boredom. When a smoker becomes upset, he or she reaches for the cigarette to try and feel better. The truth is that cigarettes are a false friend that tries to control and injure you, it is an abusive relationship. There are much more positive ways to learn to calm and feel better without replacing smoking with food and putting on weight. You can learn how.

Recent publications tell us that our bodies eliminate the need for nicotine only a few days after we quit smoking. If it was purely a physical addiction, we would be done with smoking after a few days off the cigarette. But as most smokers know, the cravings usually continue when they try to quit cold turkey far after those first few days are over. This is because of the psychological needs that continue to drive the motivation to smoke through the many association stat develop over time.

This is where hypnosis helps. Hypnosis is an excellent tool for re-learning. By changing subconscious motivations to smoke you will change the habits and associations that drive much of this behaviour. You can also learn new coping skills so that the cigarette is not needed during stressful or emotional times. With these new attitudes and tools, getting through the first couple of days of the chemical addiction is usually much easier. Dealing with both the chemical and the psychological addiction is the real key to long term smoking cessation.

As you can imagine, with a smart plan and new tools and new attitudes about smoking, you can learn how to change the habits and healthfully deal with the emotional strains of a life free from cigarettes.

Hypnosis is not magic, it is a powerful tool. With professional help and understanding and if you really want to quit and are willing to put in some effort and invest in yourself, you really can quit smoking for life.

I have had great success with both my face to face and self help Break Free from Smoking programmes and there is more information on my Brain2Body Product page at the top and also details of sessions in the Hypno-Psychotherapy page.